Silver Linings of Rejection from Graduate School

This piece was written in Spring 2019, however, due to being embarrased by the contents, I deleted it. One year later, I am reposting to share my story about my rejection from graduate school, proud that I am practicing what I preach.

When life reroutes you, think of all the people you’ll see and the places you’ll go…

It was poetic as it was cosmically cruel to listen to TLC politely ask me to stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to while I read my rejection from graduate school. It was good that I ate my donut in an aquarium of sadness, while waterfalls melted the cinnamon sugar sandcastles that dusted my face.

After three years of solid transportation practice, I applied to an urban planning program. THE urban planning program. The program that would complete my “Institute of Technology” state collection. The program that would legitimize my perspective, the program that would make me professionally whole, that would absolve me of being, “a fraud.”

Being rejected sucks. Especially when you’re alone at a donut shop. Especially when you know how awesome you are. That’s precisely why you applied! And why the “no” is equally disappointing. When you apply to graduate school, you daydream what your life will look like for the next 2–4 years. So when eight months of sunsets come in an email on a Saturday afternoon, it’s understandable why everything looks dark for a while. Proper grieving clears space to accept a new reality.

And that’s okay. Take time to cry. Grieve. Be disappointed. Take time to write. Write about your feelings. Use the second person to deflect. Talk to them about me, myself, and I. Talk about you. Tell the audience what to do! You’re really good at that. Write as if it did not confirm, that in fact, you are not enough. Write it as if you are unaffected. In fact, it’s better that you weren’t accepted. It is better this way.

Though you did not receive the results you were hoping you have to accept two things 1) your application was denied — not YOU, for you are a human being with inherent worth and value that can never be packaged nor quantified and 2) “No” means not right now, or not this way.

But all is not lost. Here are eight silver linings from clouds of rejection from graduate school.

1. You’re a better communicator! Congrats! You were able to condense your passions into a portfolio of writing samples and recommendations. Continue to write and read. This will increase your mental stamina, as well as clarify your writing, speech, and comprehension, which is beneficial in all areas of life.

2. There’s time to reflect. Use this as an opportunity to review your application and look for feedback. Also, ask yourself what part of the rejection hurts. This could be a chance for you to explore your emotions for more profound healing and growth. Talking about this with your support system, friends, family, or therapist are great starts.

3. You can reimagine your future! People apply to graduate school because they desire to change. Do you wish to change your job, career, or location? How do you want to show up in the world? Have you thought about applying to new programs or completing your degree abroad? This is the perfect time to go for it. Use this time to look up from your desk, into yourself, and out of your comfort zone.

4. Visit loved ones and places! In pursuits of personal and professional growth, we tend to forget about those who support us on our journey. Use this time to visit your friends, family, or travel to break your routines and shift your perspective.

5. There’s more time to network. Whether you are convicted by your passion or still figuring things out, you now have time to meet people within and out of your area(s) of interest in your community, industry, and/or academia. Not only is this great practice to explain your passions and increase your exposure, but you will also meet people who would love to support you and vice versa.

6. Ask deeper questions. Since you’ve already gone through the process of applying, you can ask more intentional questions regarding your application, your program of interest, culture fits, and research opportunities. Be sure to reach out to members of your community, faculty, students, and professionals in your projected industry and ask them about their lives and trajectories. From community to industry, use this time to listen, learn, and discern what’s really going on in your interest area.

7. YOU ARE SAVING MONEY! To say student loans are a headache is an understatement. One significant advantage of grad school delay is utilizing this time to search for more scholarships, settle any financial responsibilities, save for graduate school in the future, or start another stream of income.

8. You can do all the things you wrote you would. If you know what kind of research you want to do, or impact you want to have, use this time between graduate school to start building it. If you applied to graduate school to become a doctor, lawyer, or another profession that requires graduate education, use this time to do advocacy work with a community, search for opportunities to be a part of a research team, write a white paper, volunteer, or take a language class! Use this time to pour yourself into your real interests and hobbies and DIY your goals.

Think about this: if your industry of choice is a major city, and your goals are destinations, attending graduate school is like driving your car to get there. It seems like the fastest, most convenient way to reach your personal and professional growth. And in some situations, it is. However, do you really need an expensive, status symbol to give you a lift across town at this moment, during rush hour when there are other viable, affordable, and timely options for travel?

In an ideal city, sidewalks would be wide, public transportation is accessible, opportunity would be dense, and no one would even need a car! But since this is reality, I would ask: Does it have to be that car? Can you wait on a full ride? Are there accessible options available? Do you see where I’m going?

I’m not saying to get rid of your car or not to drive. But in the wake of rejection, recognize that formal education is one, not the only, way to reach your goals. With help, fortitude, resilience, and creativity, it’s rewarding to see how far your willpower takes you.

You do not need a “yes” from an institution to begin working on change in the world. Change needs a “yes” from you.